As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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