I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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