i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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