I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
