Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
