So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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