all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
