If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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