susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
