Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
