Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
