are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
