"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
