Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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