is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
