It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's always time for handjobs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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