thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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