I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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