we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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