Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
