I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
