I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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