she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize