please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
