i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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