my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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