Just fell off a train. Bad.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
