I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
