He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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