If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
