you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My ATM looks so different sober.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
