You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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