She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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