I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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