Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
