After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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