you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
