I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
