Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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