i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
