His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
