i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
