Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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