He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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