the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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