dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
