Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
God, I missed his penis.
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