I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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