At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
