The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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