my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
