He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
