onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
