So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
