I'm so fucking centered right now
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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