chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Come on in and take your pants off
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