are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
