census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
