im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
