Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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