Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
