Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
third nipple confirmed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
