he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
