she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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