apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
