Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
