if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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